I have had a request to change my blog...and I'm overdue for a post anyhow. Hi all! The holidays are coming! I'm very excited. I get so upset when people say that they hate the holidays, that they've become so commercialized, that they're too stressful, etc. Okay so they are stressful and yes, our economy has done a bang up job of making them a big extravaganza, but here's what I've discovered; the holidays are what you make them. If you want them to be stressful, they'll be stressful; if you want them to be a religious celebration, then they'll be about miracles and messiahs; if you want them to be about fun, then they'll be about fun; if you want them to feel commercialized then, chances are they'll feel commercialized. I prefer to think of them as a lovely time to see my friends and family and to give out gifts that say "thank you for being a part of my life, I celebrate you for who you are." Getting gifts is fun too, I won't lie. I also love how the winter holidays seem frozen in time for me. Ever notice how holidays seem to blend into each other? I think its because we do our best to recreate past holidays every year. Of course there will be variables and things will be different from time to time, but the essential ingredients seem to be always there. They are for me, anyway. I like that I get to be a kid again come December. It's cathartic and uplifting and it also gives me a chance to reflect on where I've been and who I am as an adult. The kid me and the adult me are essentially the same; they still need to be fed love and comfort in the same way, and both of them are very satisfied in front of a fire on Christmas Eve. People tell me I'm young and naive and that when I get older I will feel different. Well...who knows how I'll feel? I certainly don't and I certainly don't care to force myself into disliking the holidays just because its the more "adult" thing to do.
So this is why I fill my room with Christmas music and colorful lights after Thanksgiving. I really love the holidays because I love what they represent to me personally. If I see a really gaudy window display or something, I tend to just laugh. Clearly an oversized snowman doesn't define Christmas for me. I don't need it to get into the holiday spirit and so it doesn't bother me.
So I'm looking forward to family, friends and food this winter as I relax before what will be an eventful 2008.
That said...I have tons of work to do before then. Juries are scaring me as always. I've actually succeeded in memorizing all of my music, but somewhere in the back of my mind I've convinced myself that I'm not as prepared as I should be and that somehow I'll fail. Standard response from me, I feel. I guess the key is tremendous preparation, as the divine Ms. Renee Fleming says. I saw her at the Boston Symphony last Thursday...so lovely. It's funny, when you idolize someone, you're happy just to be in their presence. Renee almost doesn't have to sing for me to be happy with her. She sort of just has to be (although the voice is so warm and lovely it feels like a homecoming for me, same with Betty Buckley's voice). As with many other women I've encountered in my life, I have an immense desire to do what she does, to create as she creates and to have her experiences. I saw her in "La Traviata" last month and it was such a gorgeous experience I wanted desperately to be Violetta in the way that Renee was Violetta; to embody and live the life of a beautiful and tragic heroine. Thus the title of my blog, I suppose. And so I have my work cut out for me with juries and with operatic music. People before me have paved the way so deeply and beautifully that it will take all my strength and courage to "walk their walk," as it were. Ha ha...all of my blog entries seem to have a very common thread. MUST CHANGE SUBJECT.
So...winter break. I'm looking forward to it immensely. Tons of movies (Sweeney Todd!) and books (finally! Books!) and fun. Yay, fun. But first, work work work. Eight pieces; two French, two German, two Italian, one English and one Spanish. *Phew* German is especially kicking my bum. German is kind of a spitter's language. You feel like you're stuttering constantly. Oh well. Es geht!
