Saturday, March 29, 2008

Replenishing

Hello!
I know this is the first blog entry in a long time but there is a very specific reason for that, I promise.

So...my graduate recital was two weeks ago. I didn't want to write an entry between Christmas and now because I knew they would all be along the lines of "I'm nervous about my recital" or... "I'm busy preparing for my recital and I'm stressed out." Who wants to hear that after a while? I mean, I'm a singer, y'all know that... I didn't want the singing to be responsible for all of my thoughts and outpourings.

That said, I'm gonna put a little bit about the recital in here, mostly so that I can look back on this someday. It's a very big, very emotional, very self-indulgent day...so I just want to jot down a few memories and then be done with it so I don't sound like too much of a diva.

First thing I have to say is that I had high expectations for myself with regards to this recital. Too high. This whole thing is looked at as a "culmination" of your education. I somehow took that to mean that this should be the greatest bit of singing I had ever done or would ever do. What's funny about this is, in reality the recital is as far from a culmination as possible. It's a total and complete beginning; a moment were you say to your friends and family "here is the work I have been doing...now I'm gonna take this work, build on it, and try to make a career from here on out." There is no possible way I could have done my best singing ever. And I didn't. I made mistakes. I sand incorrect lyrics. My voice actually broke mid-phrase at one point. I belted out one particular note as if I had no training whatsoever...it was an ugly sound. Ew.

Yet my coach always says not to be afraid of ugly sounds, that they are necessary and sincere when made at the right time. So that's that. And there were some pretty sounds. There were great moments, moments were I was proud and moments were I felt like a singer. That's all I should have asked for for myself. In that way, my recital was successful. Here are some of the memories I will always have of that day:

-Tripping as I walked up the steps to begin the recital...and realizing in that moment how very human I was and how I would always always make mistakes.

-Realizing that my friend and I were creating a unique and intimate experience for my audience as he strummed his guitar and I sang my way through a Spanish song set.

-Placing my hand on the piano as I prepared myself for my final piece and saying very clearly to myself in my head "This is the last piece, enjoy this...take this moment in and it will all be worth it."

-My Dad standing up and presenting me with flowers as I took my first bows. He had tears in his eyes and he said "You're the best, toots!"

-My friend Laura leading a standing ovation for me.

-The procession of people that came to hug me afterwards and made me feel like I was a new bride.

-My Mom hugging me tightly and crying that she was filled with so much love and admiration.

-My Aunt Soph hugging me and crying, saying she was so proud.

-Walking down some stairs into our own little private section of Vinny T's restaurant and having my Dad get up from his seat and start the whole table applauding for me.


Okay...that's out of the way. I cringe as I write this because it sounds so self- indulgent and self-congratulatory. I just want to preserve these memories, really. I'm not writing this out to puff myself up in any way. I hope you all understand.

So...that's that. My first full length recital. Hopefully the first of many. By no means a culmination.


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Leaving the diva me behind,

I have to just sound off on this whole Dick Cheney/ "So?" thing that was in the news recently.

For anybody who hasn't heard, Dick Cheney was asked what he thought when faced with the reality that the majority of American citizens feel that this war is no longer worth fighting. He literally gave a smirk and said "So?"

Now, Michael Moore wrote a great editorial in response to this, much better than anything I could ever write, but I feel I have to say something and I'm very sorry but I feel that profanity is in order:

Listen Cheney: F**k You. You have absolutely NO right at all in any way to play fast and loose with people's lives. Not Iraqi lives, not American lives. You are a citizen of this world, no better than anyone else on this planet in any way. WHO besides your own money-grubbing, blood-hungry, penis-envied self, gave you the right to decide who lives and who dies? And who gave you the right to treat death and destruction with such flippancy as if you were stepping on an anthill rather than destroying an entire country? I feel I have to join the million-voiced chorus that keeps having to remind you that your office is an elected office. For all intents and purposes, THE AMERICAN PEOPLE PUT YOU WHERE YOU ARE. Don't get me wrong, I sure as hell didn't vote for you. And I'm pretty damn sure your election into office was rigged. But how dare you, a man who conjures up the image of "democracy" as though it were sacrosanct, hold the voice of the people in such ridiculously low esteem? You're not even making a decent show of PRETENDING to love democracy. If it weren't so abominably appalling, it would be funny. "So?" SO?!?!?!?!?!
So this: "All men are created equal...they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

You swore on the Holy Bible to uphold these principles Mr. Cheney. And your actions suggest that you either do not care for these principles, or do not care for the holy scripture which you so doggedly cling to with regards to your policies and rhetoric... or that you do not care for either. The level of hypocrisy is mind-blowing. You do not care that we the people find your war to be a direct violation of these unalienable rights, and you do not care that you deny these rights to our foreign brothers and sisters and our men and women overseas on a daily basis. And what's worse, far worse, is that you think you are getting away it. You always seem to be slyly congratulating yourself on pulling the wall over our eyes; that somehow we won't figure out that this all has to do with greed or that those of us who do figure it out won't have enough of a say to do anything about it. You are thriving on the OPPOSITE of the American principle, which is so very ironic considering you have taken it upon yourself to uphold "Patriotism" and "Americanism" in this country.
I say to you, HOW DARE YOU? How dare you take away our rights under the pretense of knowing what is best for us? How dare you allow the slaughter of hundreds of thousands on both sides? How do you lay your head down at night on your Halliburton pillowcase?

I see your "So?" and raise you three. So what if you think the American voice is inconsequential? It is not. So what if you think you have succeeded in quieting all dissenters? You have not. So what if you think your neat little retirement package will ensure a bright and happy future for you despite your past sins? It will not. I am a heathen Agnostic but I shall tell you this: at some point we all have to pay for what we do (that was Oscar Wilde who said that, you probably don't know him, he was too gay and too witty for you).I hope that when you beg for mercy, some terrible demon looks down on you and says "So?"