And it is high time that I posted.
Phew. So summer happened. It started out pretty terrible. Things happened that made me re-evaluate myself, my decision to stay in Boston, the life style I've chosen..it was heavy stuff. It was lonely for a while there too...I had a part to learn so it was translate my libretto, vocalize, go to the gym...every day for about a month and a half or so. I got super lonely for a bit and I hated it.
But then Germany happened. Ah, Deutschland. I've never been so terrified before ever. I had never flown by myself before (shocking at 26, I know) and my German is minimal at best so I was petrified of flying into Frankfurt on my own. I felt like I had the flu the whole time I was on the plane, on the train and for the first 36 hours or so I was in Germany. I guess it was a whole bunch of fears physically manifesting themselves...what could I expect from this new country? what could I expect from the program?
It was one of those rare things in life that exceeds your expectations. I got to sing a role in an opera! It was touch and go as to whether I would for a while...but I did (thank god for the translating and the vocalizing) and I had a total and utter blast doing it. I'm pretty sure this is what I was meant to do; create characters onstage with music. It's pretty exhilarating. Your simultaneously yourself and not yourself...it's an amazingly freeing and exciting thing. Dorabella was a great gal to play as well. I'm glad she was my first role. She's so upbeat and funny...scatterbrained and misguided...reminds me of me when I was 15. It's cool to be 15 for two hours. She was a bitch to sing though...phew that music is high! There were bits I still didn't sing well by the time we performed but I was proud of my performance as a whole, proud that I did something complete and had an evening with an audience. A rather reserved German audience, but an audience nonetheless.
Then there were the people. My Weimar family. They were all extremely supportive and lovely. I miss them terribly. I miss my French "soeur," Nadine, who hails from Quebec and played my sister onstage with grace and beauty. I miss Riley, who taught me that it wasn't enough to love opera, that I had to love myself in opera as well. I miss Natalie, who charged me 50 euro cents every time I said something self-deprecating (I charged her right back when she did the same to herself). I miss Benoit, who was a consummate flirt and a lot of fun to hang out with. Danielle, who played my sassy maid and had an even sassier tongue offstage. I miss them all. I could seriously write something that intimate about all twenty of them. I love them all. I got invited to go back next summer and I think I will. I hope I can. I hope a few of them are there again.
In conclusion, I had fun. It's what singing should be...and I kind of lost that in the last months at BoCo. For whatever reason I wasn't having fun. I think Germany fixed that for me. In addition its a tremendous sense of accomplishment, knowing you've sung a full role. I feel like the next time I'm faced with a challenge I'll be able to tell myself "Hey, you sang Dorabella...this should be a piece of cake." So danke, Deutschland. You've given me many gifts. I hope to see you again soon.
and now its back to the United States. Ahhhhh, the US. Unfortunately, the more I travel, the more I come to terms with the fact that America is my home. I always wanted to be a international citizen...someone who could theoretically fit in anywhere, but sadly no. It really is home. It's where I am most comfortable in spite of myself, in spite of the insanity that is coming out of Washington, in spite of the fact that I hated telling each and every German I met: "Mein Deutsch ist nicht so gut. Ich bin Amerikanisch."
It was nice to get away from the political madness for a while. Not that you could really get away from it. But still, it was nice not to think about it too often. Coming back was a bit of a shock. I felt like I had to scramble to pick up on what I had missed. And the election is now only 47 days away! I can't believe how emotionally invested I am in the process. I've never followed an election so closely nor felt so nervous about its outcome. I'm horrified that the Republican machine will be allowed to keep going...allowed to continue to invade my home and take away all the things about it that I hold dear. I'm terrified that feminism might not mean anything to anyone anymore; that I, as a woman, will have to live in a country where abortion may become illegal. I'm scared that Iraq may only be the beginning...that a McCain government would start us on a path to World War III. I see McCarthyism returning, women and minorities having to fight for the right to vote, the first amendment being overturned, Muslim witch hunts...I see all of that when I think of a McCain government. It's horrifying. My father seems to think that the country is still very backward, and that McCain may very well win. I agree that the country is backward, but I'm allowing myself to be swept up in the Obama "hope" message. I have to believe there's hope. I don't want to fear my own home.
That's all I've got for now. I'm living in Brighton, Mass. and looking for a job. Singing a bit, etc. That's my life for a while. I'm kind of enjoying it, except for the terrifying election part. I'm planning on having an election night party with lots of booze handy. Lots of booze. I'll either need to celebrate like crazy or drown my sorrows like nobody's business.
